Here we go, folks. It’s January 1, 2025, and Florida, in its infinite DeSanctimonious wisdom, has decided that the best way to start the new year is by joining 12 other states in stomping all over the First Amendment. As of today, Pornhub has voluntarily left here, too, because if you want to visit an adult website in the Sunshine State, you’ve now got to verify your age with a driver’s license. Sure, on the surface, this sounds reasonable — after all, who doesn’t agree that kids shouldn’t be exposed to adult content? But let’s not kid ourselves about what this law really is: a backdoor assault (and not the good kind) on free speech and personal privacy, wrapped in the flimsy excuse of “protecting the children.”
Make no mistake, this is NOT about the kids. It’s about control. It’s about a churchy Conservative government deciding what you can and can’t do in the privacy of your own home. And while they’re at it, they’re taking a giant step toward criminalizing an industry that has existed since the dawn of time. (Seriously, Jesus’s own girlfriend was a porn star sex worker.) What’s next? Are they going to raid every dad’s sock drawer and slap him with a $50,000 fine because little Johnny found those dirty photos of mom or that old Hustler? That’s essentially what’s happening here. By forcing adults to hand over their personal information to view legal content, the government isn’t just setting up a nanny state; they’re creating a surveillance state.
Let’s not pretend this is harmless. Requiring people to upload a driver’s license or other government ID to access adult content is like putting a neon sign on your digital forehead that says, “Hey, I watch porn!” It’s not just an invasion of privacy; it’s a threat to safety. Who’s storing this data? How secure is it? And how long before this information leaks into the wrong hands? Don’t think it can happen? Just ask the folks who were outed in the Ashley Madison hack.
And then there’s the chilling effect. When people are afraid of being tracked or labeled for accessing something legal, they stop engaging altogether. That’s exactly what the lawmakers want. They’re trying to shame you out of your choices. And if that sounds like censorship to you, congratulations, you’re paying attention. This is a direct violation of the First Amendment because it places unnecessary burdens on the creation and consumption of lawful speech. Adult content, like it or not, is protected under the Constitution. The Supreme Court made that clear decades ago—yeah, SCREW was there for that—and yet here we are, acting like the internet is some Wild West that needs taming.
But let me tell you something: censorship has NEVER worked. You can ban books, burn magazines, or block websites, but human curiosity and desire don’t go away. All you’re doing is pushing the conversation underground, where it’s harder to regulate and more dangerous for everyone involved. If you really want to protect kids, start at home. Be a parent. Talk to them about what they might encounter online, about what they’re allowed to and not allowed to look at. But don’t hand the government the keys to our bedrooms under the guise of morality.
Let me say it all again, louder, for those in the back. Here’s their dirty little secret: this was never about protecting kids. It’s about controlling adults. It’s about using fear and shame to chip away at your freedoms, one law at a time. And if we don’t stand up now, don’t be surprised when they come for the books you read, the movies you watch, and the magazines you hide in your nightstand. Don’t be surprised when they’re burning a big Scarlet Letter “X” on your front lawn, making you the example in to your neighbors, that they should be praying to Jesus, not jerking off to Jezebel.
So, to Florida, Texas, Kentucky, and their bands of morality gestapo: SCREW you. You don’t get to decide what WE do with our bodies, our minds, or our rights. And to everyone else, keep fighting. Like Donald Trump said when he got supposedly got shot in the ear: “Fight. Fight. Fight.” Free speech isn’t free; it costs vigilance. Stay loud. Stay proud. Stay free.
—P.
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