Priest Blows 40-Grand of Church Money on Candy Crush

This would have been a much better story had he blown the money on hookers and blow, but no…

A Pennsylvania priest is facing criminal charges after police said he stole thousands of dollars of church funds and used them for App Store transactions – like virtual slot machines, Mario Kart, Candy Crush and Pokémon Go.

A criminal complaint and affidavit of probable cause allege Lawrence Kozak, a former pastor at St. Thomas More Parish in Pottstown, spent over $214,000 on his Apple ID and that just under $44,000 of that was charged to a credit card associated with the parish.

Father Lawrence Kozak delivers communion at St. Helena Church in Blue Bell in Oct. 2019.

The affidavit written by a Pennsylvania State Police detective alleges there were over 2,000 transactions marked as “gaming” in a document running from September 2019 to June 2022.

I’m not a fan of the Catholic Church, or any church for that matter, but it’s bad enough they guilt people into tithing that you got a priest blowing churchgoers’ hard-earned dough on Pokemon Go. This is why priests should be allowed to get laid.

SCREW YOU, FATHER KOZAK. 🖕

To read the official criminal complaint, click here.

—P.

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