I jerk off at least 3 times a day, sometimes as much as 6 or 7 times. I can’t watch a TV show without fantasizing about fucking whatever beautiful woman is on it. I’ve jerked-off to everything from game shows and the local news (local weather chicks are often hot as fuck) to just about every movie on Netflix and Hulu.
I can’t walk into a grocery store without checking out every piece ass I see. I watch for perky nips, cleavage, panty-peeks and cameltoe everywhere I go. I love going to Starbucks where all the fitness broads show up in their sexy tops showing off their cleavages and perky nips and their yummy yoga pants revealing their delicious pussy lips. I get hard instantly. Sometimes, I have to go into the bathroom and rub one out real quick.
I love eating at the Chinese buffet, where there’s always tiny, sexy Asian women to fantasize about running around with their perky titties and sweet, little asses in tight, black pants. I love eating Mexican because there’s always short, hot Mexican women with big titties and juicy asses to fantasize about while I eat my fajitas. And don’t get me started on places like Hooter or Twin Peaks where there are plenty of young girls in little shorty-shorts with their boobs all propped-up to take home in my spankbank like it’s a doggy bag.
I think about sex constantly. When I’m not typing or working or doing other stuff, my hand is playing with my cock and balls. If you’re my friend on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, and you have tits, I probably jerked-off to your photos. I’ve likely fantasized about eating your pussy, then fucking it, then having you suck your pussy juices off my dick before I come all over your face and lick it off.
If you’re hot and we talk on the phone, I’ve probably jerked-off to the sound of your voice. I like to challenge myself sometimes and see if I can cum before we hang up. I’ve even jerked-off to the sound of a call center chick’s voice just because she sounded hot.
If I come to your house, don’t leave your bra or panties in your bathroom. I’ll dig through your hamper, then sniff and lick the crotch of your panties before I leave a load in them. I’ll fill your bra cups with my man-juice. If you live alone, I might even lick your toilet seat …or cum on it.
I’m a freak like that. I can’t help myself, I’m just always horny. For fans of “Californication”, I’m like a real-life Charlie Runkle.
The problem is, the older I get, the more energy all this jerking-off and cumming takes from me. I’m tired a lot. I’ve tried everything. Testosterone didn’t help. Other drugs don’t help. Caffeine only helps so much. And cocaine often leaves me with coke-dick. Viagra will keep me hard forever and speeds-up my recoup time, but with every load I still get more and more tired. I eat a lot to keep up my calorie count. I drink a lot of water to stay hydrated. But my body feels like I run a 25K every day.
I really need to get a handle on it. I once went to a support group for sex addicts only to find myself in a suck-and-fuck fest with another guy and a girl in the bathroom right after.
—MM
Featured Image: Charlie Runkle, Californication
Contributing (Pr)Editor
Mike “The Meat Man” collects SSD and sits around all day browsing Seeking Arrangement for hot, young, college chicks to fuck for $100 a pop (cheap fucker) and then shares his adventures with us for free.
