How to Fuck Al Capone Out of $1 Million and Live to Tell About It.

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

Al Capone once said, “You get much further with kind words and a gun than you do with kind words alone.” Some other guy once said, “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.” This is the story of that other guy.

Al Capone was taking in so much money he finally decided to hire an accountant to start keeping track of it all. Not just any accountant though, he decided to hire one who was deaf and mute. That way, he reasoned, the accountant could never testify against him in court.

So his guys went out and found one, and this new accountant was quickly put to work. He did his thing for about six months, but it soon became apparent he was skimming money off the top. As soon as Al found out, he decided to pay him a visit. He didn’t know much sign language — his son was deaf — so he brought along someone who did — a straight-arrow teacher from his son’s school — as an interpreter.

Al told the interpreter, ”Tell him, I know he’s skimming off the top, and I want my money, all of it.” And the interpreter signed it to the accountant.

The accountant signed back, “I don’t know what he’s talking about, ” and the interpreter told Al what he said.

Al was not amused. “Tell him that’s bullshit. I know he’s stealing money from me, and I want it back. All of it.” And the interpreter signed THAT to the accountant.

And the accountant signed back, “I really don’t know what he’s talking about.” And the interpreter told Al what he said.

Now Al was HOT. He quickly pulled his gun and stuck it to the accountant’s head. “Tell him I want my fucking money or I’m going to blow his fucking brains all over that wall.” And the interpreter signed THAT to the accountant.

The accountant could tell Al was serious and now he was scared shitless. He quickly signed back, “Ok, Ok, tell him it’s hidden under the floor boards in my kitchen! At my house! ALL ONE MILLION OF IT, IN CASH! We can go there and get it right now, please, please, just don’t let him shoot me —”

The interpreter’s jaw-dropped, and he just turned to Al with a look of astonishment. Then it occurred to him — how much sign language does Al Capone actually know? Did he understand what the accountant just said?

“Well, what the fuck did he say?” Al asked. The interpreter seemed to be at a loss for words. I wonder if he understood ANY of it…

“TELL ME,” Al demanded, as he shoved the gun harder into the accountant’s head.

And the interpreter just shook his head — and then took his shot:

“He said, [gulp] he doesn’t think you have the GUTS to pull the trigger.”

Seize Opportunity!

— P

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