Precedence of Mammary

Ever since the first cavemen sucked-on and titty-fucked the first caveboobs, men have been fascinated with titties. Big, small, it doesn’t matter, we love them all. They turn us on. Yeah sure, some guys prefer bigguns over “mosquito bites”, and vice versa, but the fact remains, we love every titty, everywhere, all at once.

In 2009, researchers in New Zealand conducted an eye-tracking study expecting to prove once and for all that men spend more time looking at bigger tits than smaller ones. They were shocked to discover, however, that “variations in breast size had no significant effect on eye-tracking measures.” In other words, confirming that all men enjoy looking at all boobs, all the time.

But what makes some guys like bigger ones and other guys like smaller ones?

In their 2013 study Resource Security Impacts Men’s Female Breast Size Preferences, British researchers Dr. Viren Swami and Dr. Martin Tovee concluded that men’s levels of “resource security” — or how comfortable they feel about their own ability to survive — predict what kind of boobs they like. The researchers’ experiments found that wealthy guys, as well as guys who had just eaten, rated smaller titties as more attractive.

In other words, the less money you got or the hungrier you are, the more likely you are to find big tits attractive, “as large size would be an honest signal of access to resources.” Think about it on the most primal of levels and big titties are full of milk, therefore you and your progeny will never starve. On a more modern, superficial level, save for a few exceptions, when’s the last time you saw classy, old money running around with a broad with gigantic juggs? No, that’s easily perceived as “trashy” at the country club; it’s always a hot, supermodel type with modest, small- to average tits. (Rock stars, rappers, gangsters, lottery winners, and trailer trash-to-riches don’t count.) The truth lies somewhere in-between (pun intended).

Perhaps that’s the reason porn and men’s magazines make fortunes on big tits, because most men reading or watching are broke by comparison to the super-rich dudes out there actually livin’ the life. As young men, big tits are often the first thing we’re attracted to — for one, they’re the first thing we begin to notice about women, and for two, we’re often already trained to objectify them.

Swami and Tovee went on to conduct another study, Men’s Oppressive Beliefs Predict Their Breast Size Preferences in Women (2013) that found “men’s preferences for larger female breasts were significantly associated with a greater tendency to be benevolently sexist, to objectify women, and to be hostile towards women.” That is, men who strongly prefer a woman with big tits might not always like the rest of her. Of course, that doesn’t apply to all men who like big boobs; it’s correlation, not causation. But in many cases, being a “boob guy” could be the opposite of being a nice guy.

Wealthy, full-belly or not, why might a guy prefer smaller-than-average boobs?

According to Dr. Swami, it could be due to “an acknowledgement that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, ideal preferences being shaped by current or previous partner breast size,” among other possible causes. When you’re rich, and your belly is full, or better yet, when you live a satisfying and fulfilling life beyond “survival mode”, it’s a lot easier to find the beauty in everything.

But no matter what your preference, when you fall in love with a woman, chances are you’re falling in love with far more than her boobies. As Michael Castleman writes in Psychology Today, “Many men insisted that when they fell in love, they fell in love with the women’s breasts, whatever their size.”

So, there you have it: bottom line, juggs or no juggs, it’s still what’s on the inside that counts the most.

On The Cover

This week’s cover art is by Dimitrije “Mita” Popović, an eminent Montenegrin and Croatian painter, sculptor, art critic and philosopher born in Cetinje, Montenegro, in 1951.  His works, including drawings, prints, paintings, and sculptures, have evolved thematically and technically through different phases, mostly inspired by Leonardo da Vinci’s drawings, Salvador Dali’s surrealism, and Ivan Meštrović’s sculptures.

—P.

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