Porn Gets a Bad Rap…

…yet it’s responsible for some of the greatest technological advances we’ve seen in our lifetimes, if not, in human history. Why, the advances in image- and video delivery alone are bigger than your mom’s anal gape. Here are some highlights:

  1. Porn popularized Super 8 film-making back in the day, making it a standard in the entire film industry.
  2. Porn “created” the VHS by killing Betamax — more porn was available on VHS because it was cheaper to duplicate
  3. Porn OWNS the Internet and always has 4.2 billion porn sites, more porn is watched in ONE MINUTE than all other online and offline video combined. Take that, Netflix and Hulu and Pee-cock.
  4. Porn invented online payment processing — something even CHURCHES use today.
  5. Porn invented the concept of PAY sites — they’re used for everything now, but they started with porn.
  6. Porn killed the DVD with greater compression and faster delivery technologies for HD content now used by Netflix, Hulu and everyone else.
  7. Porn invented and perfected online LIVE STREAMING of video content. Again, churches live stream now, so does the NFL, Congress, and the White House.
  8. Porn bridged the gap between online and offline sex with new interactive adult toys.
  9. Porn invented the MILF. There was no such thing as a MILF prior to online porn.
  10. Porn has fought-for and perpetuated every American’s right to Free Speech more than any other industry, including Hollywood, and to the benefit of all. (Even churches.)

So next time you happen to run into a porn star (or publisher, ahem) be sure to thank them for their service, for fighting the good fight on the frontlines of censorship and for doing their part to make America great.

— P

Featured Image: Girls Under Arrest (2018)

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